Friends campaign to help single man achieve dream of being a dad

Lucas Honey, 31, says he is 'more than ready' to become a sole parent after a change in the law last year enabled him to do so legally.

After working with children all his life in schools and youth clubs, he even has a Masters Degree in childhood studies - but until now he couldn't see how he could reach out and make having a baby of his own a reality.

"It's alright for women to talk about being broody but I don't think men are so open about their feelings," said Lucas, whose family comes from across the county. ."I have a goddaughter, two nephews, and I’m an honorary uncle to the children of my 'chosen' family and every time I see them I get that yearning to have a child of my own.

"Men do get broody - they just don't talk about it."

Spending years trying for a baby before his marriage ended amicably was extremely painful for him, Lucas recalled.

"Sadly, since then I have lived alone," he said.

"I began researching all of the ways I could have a family. Having always known I would adopt one day, working with the foster children reinforced in my mind that there are many children out there that need loving homes.

"I made it my goal from a very young age when I was babysitting - in the days when parents would happily pay a teenage neighbour £10 to look after their baby for the evening - to adopt a family and spend my latter years fostering.

"But I still had that painful pang inside whenever I saw babies, and saw fathers with babies.

"I spent years trying to convince myself I didn’t need to have a baby of my own, but I just couldn’t suppress that part of me that longed to support someone carrying my child, going for scans, prepping for the arrival, holding my child for the first time; doing the baby part of bringing up a child.

"So I made it my mission to have a child of my own."

His determination was fuelled just a few days ago when he was able to meet up with his nephews for the first time since lockdown. "It was amazing to see them and I have to admit we had a cuddle.

"We've talked on the internet but it isn't the same."

Moments like this are what inspired his friends to start a gofundme page to cover the legal and fertility treatment costs

On their behalf, Lucas' friend, Kathryn Wilson, is organising this fundraiser to raise £15,000. She said: "We have started this fundraiser to help our friend Lucas Honey become a dad.

"He has devoted so much of his life to children; working in youth centres, schools, nurseries, child minding, running an after school programme for foster children, teaching music in a special school. We see the love he has for his god-daughter, nephews, and he is even honorary uncle to the children of his chosen family.

"He even has a masters degree in childhood studies. He has taken many a youngster under his wing and helped them find their place in the world, and has so much love to give.

"Lucas is one of the kindest souls any of us have ever met. He has a huge heart and he works so hard to help others.

"His passion for making a change in people’s lives is clear.

"So it’s our time to help him out. Lucas has a surrogate and donor ready and waiting, and is saving every penny he can, and trying so hard, but we see how much he is struggling to find the money for fertility treatment.

"Every penny raised here will go to helping him have the family of his own we know he so desperately longs for.

"We see the ache in his heart when he holds a baby, or plays with his nephews. He comes alive when a child’s eyes light up when he’s helped them with something.

"Sadly, IVF, clinic fees, screenings, legal fees, and helping with expenses of the wonderful person who has offered to carry his child for him, add up so fast, and this fundraiser can help his journey move forward.

"All the pieces of the puzzle are in place except the funding. We know how grateful Lucas will be to be able to afford this treatment. He doesn’t like to ask for help, but is always working hard to help others, raising funds, spreading awareness, supporting charities.

"Any money you can spare will help bring into this world a baby that he (and we as his chosen family) will love as much as anyone can love another person."

Lucas - who is waiting to resume a child counselling course - said: "I have a surrogate and donor ready and waiting, and I have been saving every penny I can.

"I sought legal advice from one of the best surrogacy lawyers in the UK, to make sure myself, the baby, and the surrogate were all legally protected.

"However, after contacting fertility clinics, it became clear I just couldn’t afford fertility treatment on my own.

"My wonderful chosen family rallied round me and started a fundraiseer.

" I have done many fundraisers in my time, having been on charity committees, and running a lot of events, so I know how much difference a community rallying together can make.

"I collected almost £700 in one day in spare change alone for the National Association of Blood Bikes last year, just wandering round an event with a bucket. It helps that I have a cheeky personality and a big smile.

"I’m not however used to asking for help for myself. But my friends have convinced me to lean into it and let them help, so here I am, hoping my community will rally around me and help me become a father.. Because there really is nothing I want more in this world."

To support Lucas visit Help Lucas become a father on https://www.gofundme.com/f/lucasfatherhood?utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link-tip You can also follow his online awareness and advocacy work with the disability and LGBTQ+ communities on instagram @lucas.jay.13

THE LAW

A remedial order came into force in January last year that gives single people in the UK the same rights as couples to become the legal parents of their surrogate-born children.

Under UK law, the woman who gives birth to a child is automatically considered the child's legal parent, no matter where the birth takes place. A parental order is the means by which legal parenthood is transferred from the surrogate (and her spouse or civil partner, if she has one) to the intended parent or parents.

The legislation that established parental orders (Section 54 of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008) only permitted couples to apply for parental orders, leaving the children born to single people in legal limbo. This led Sir James Munby, then president of the Family Division of the High Court, to declare the law incompatible with human rights legislation in the case Re Z in 2016 (see BioNews 852).

Sir James Munby explained in the case why legal parenthood is so important: 'Section 54 goes to the most fundamental aspects of status and, transcending even status, to the very identity of the child as a human being: who he is and who his parents are… A parental order has an effect extending far beyond the merely legal. It has the most profound personal, emotional, psychological, social and, it may be in some cases, cultural and religious, consequences.'

A remedial order was drafted and laid before Parliament in 2017 (see BioNews 929), and after several revisions it was approved by both houses and signed by the minister in December 2018, coming into force on 3 January 2019.

Applications for parental orders must normally be made in the first six months after birth, but there will be a one-off six-month period in which families who were unable to apply before can do so retrospectively.

The new law will not help couples or single people whose child was created using both donor eggs and donor sperm (sometimes called double donation), as parental orders are only available where a genetic link exists between the child and at least one intended parent.

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