Pie tax will depend on the weather

I asked if he could remember when he last used shops like Greggs and he couldn’t.

I then asked him what happens if my hot pasty has gone a bit cold. You see, cold pasties are not taxed. Confused? Well you will be, because it will also depend on the weather.

A pasty must be hotter than the weather to be taxed. So on hot days a lukewarm pasty is not taxed, but on icy cold days it is. I am not kidding.

And its not just pasties, but also sausage rolls, hot cross buns and Bakewell tarts. Even pre-cooked supermarket chicken gets taxed.

It’s a bit easier with caravans: they are now taxed. I wonder whether Mr Osborne has ever stayed in a caravan?

I have now invited him and David Cameron to join me and spend a couple of nights in a static caravan on the Lincolnshire coast over the Easter holiday.

I will provide the supermarket beer, the hot cross buns and the buckets and spades.

I want George Osborne and David Cameron to experience what a holiday in a caravan is like before they implement the VAT hike on them.

HHH

Every year for the last six years I have argued that Bassetlaw Council should take down the tatty green Bassetlaw flag and fly the English national flag of St George.

I do so again this year and I am upping my pressure on this taking place.

The decision rests with local councillors and I invite you to ask them when you see them whether they support this change.

I think our town halls in Retford and Worksop will look splendid with our flag flying high.

One councillor from Retford tired to argue before that it was illegal, and that the Government bans the flying of an England flag.

I took the precaution of checking this out and of course it is nonsense.

On certain days the Union flag should fly (e.g. the Queen’s Birthday), but on every other day we should hoist the flag of St George and England. Its high time we do this.