Mum of two 'moved to tears' by support given at Boston Women's Aid domestic abuse refuge

The unnamed mother-of-two left her home with just three rucksacks of her young family’s belongings – and spent months in a refuge offered by Boston Women’s Aid (BWA).

Also known as the South Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Service (SoLDAS), Boston Women’s Aid offers free support to victims of domestic abuse.

A spokesperson for the charity said: “We are proud to be able to share these words, from an amazing survivor who stayed in our Refuge accommodation, about what our charity does and the difference our support can make.”

The following is the woman’s account, in her own words.

“When you first agree to work with a domestic violence organisation to flee an abusive relationship, you are assigned a support worker.

"They call you at specific times and use agreed codewords to make sure you are able to talk safely and freely.

"They advise you on how to plan to leave the situation, what to take, what to do and what not to do.

“The reality is that you leave with what you can carry. In my case, a rucksack with three changes of clothes for each of us, whatever important documents I could gather, our medicines and electronics.

"I had a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile phone to use as all our electronics would need to stay on airplane mode to prevent us being tracked.

"The children had already packed their school bags with their precious things that they wanted to take.

“It is hard to explain what it is like to have your life condensed down like this. We had no transport, no home, no money other than the cash I had managed to save.

"When we arrived at the refuge, I didn’t know what to expect. My head had conjured some cross between a secure psychiatric ward and a youth hostel! I just knew that whatever it was, it would be safe. There were two support workers waiting for us, one for me and one for the children.

"We were shown around a lovely little home (we were lucky as most refuges are large buildings with a room per family, whereas we had been allocated a small, terraced house just for us). There was food in the cupboards, toothbrushes and toiletries in the bathroom, and games and art supplies in the lounge.

“During the seven months we were in their care, we had constant support. There were one-to-one meetings for both myself and the children to help us begin to heal.

"There was legal and financial advice. There was always someone ready to help when the reality of it just got too big to handle. Yet it goes so much further than that.

"We fled in November, so we spent Christmas in the refuge. I warned the children that I would have no money to spend on presents or exciting food. As our location had to be kept secret, my family could not even send presents to us.

"I was moved to tears when the support staff arranged a Christmas tree and decorations for the children to put up. They gave us sacks of presents for us all to open on Christmas day. They filled the kitchen with food for Christmas dinner. They gave us a Christmas.

“It was the same for birthdays and mother’s day. It is an odd existence to live in a secret location, unable to see anyone or tell anyone where you are. But with the constant support and care, we began to learn to laugh again.

"We had pillow fights and played games. We spent hours in the local park battling aliens and saving the world. We shared cuddles and tears. We realised who we were.

“It has been a year since we left, and our lives have changed beyond recognition. We still catch ourselves apologising or trying to guess what is the right thing to say – but we remind ourselves that we don’t live in that world anymore.

“The process was initiated due to a duty of care intervention from my doctor, after which I was contacted by the domestic violence organisation. If they did not exist, we would still be there. That is a terrifying thought.

“So, when you donate to a domestic violence organisation, please realise that it is so much more than just getting people to leave abusive relationships. It is the safe space that is waiting with a cup of tea and a toothbrush ready for you. It is the months of rebuilding a family that has been completely broken. It is Christmas, cuddles and laughter.”

• To support Boston Women’s Aid with a donation, or through fundraising, visit www.bostonwomensaid.org or email [email protected]