"People can’t grieve properly"

The Covid-19 pandemic has sadly seen many thousands of deaths across the country, since it first emerged in the country over a year ago.
Brightwater Green Burial Ground offers green burials.Brightwater Green Burial Ground offers green burials.
Brightwater Green Burial Ground offers green burials.

According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 9,830 deaths registered in Lincolnshire in 2020, an additional 1,380 from the 8,450 registered in 2019, and April (1,016) and December (1,237) were the worst hit months.

And of course, with many more deaths occurring that usual, the funeral industry has been working around the clock to deal with the dead and their loved ones with the dignity and care they deserve.

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Emotionally, the relentlessness of officiating funeral after funeral has been taking its toll on those overseeing the event.

An owl tribute made by Kate Ladley of Softscape Florists in LouthAn owl tribute made by Kate Ladley of Softscape Florists in Louth
An owl tribute made by Kate Ladley of Softscape Florists in Louth

Leni Robson is a civil celebrant who officiates funerals and weddings across Lincolnshire and Peterborough and she said trying to help loved ones with the grieving process over the past 12 months has been incredibly difficult:

“We’re trying to help people recover and the losses people have felt are horrific, but people can’t grieve properly because they can’t hold the funeral service they would have wanted or have everyone there they’d want, and it puts a block on the grieving process,” she said.

“We’ve had funerals where we’ve had 30 people inside and then more people come trying to get in, and we’ve had to turn them away - it’s awful.”

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The logistics of funerals being held in these Covid-hit times have also caused a headache for celebrants, as Leni says 90 percent of her services have also been webcast and when speaking, she’s trying to remember where the cameras are and encourage people not to touch the coffin or curtains for safety reasons.

Leni Robson, civil celebrantLeni Robson, civil celebrant
Leni Robson, civil celebrant

Dealing with so many deaths day in and day out is a tough job, but Leni said she’s lucky enough to have a good support network around her.

“You just have to remember that it’s not your grief, it’s the family’s and we’re here to support them people and help them with the grieving process," she said, “It’s just been relentless. I’ve also seen the impact the pandemic has had on families and their mental health - it’s been such a tough year for celebrants.

“With the vaccine programme, I hope that soon we can turn a corner and celebrate life and love like we should be.”

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R Arnold Funeral Services, with offices across the county including Alford and Woodhall Spa, not only offer monumental funeral stones, bespoke funeral plans and arrangements for loved ones, but also keepsake jewellery and urns.

Director Lindsay Arnold said: “We see it from the family's point of view as they have to have much lower numbers and they're not allowed to see their loved ones - it's not nice."

Lindsay said that they've not seen as many keepsakes being made at present, as people are keeping all of their loved ones's ashes in the hope of having a proper ceremony to scatter the ashes when a sense of normality returns.

"It's hard not being able to comfort families properly, and some funeral directors have not even allowed families to come into their office and they've had to make arrangements over the phone," she said, "As long as they are wearing a mask, people are more than welcome to come in to see us."

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The team have been going the extra mile for grieving families, ensuring all services are webcast for those who can't attend and driving the hearse past the deceased's home so their friends and families can say goodbye.

For Kate Ladley of Softscape Florists in Louth, the uncertainty over attending funerals caused an increase in the number of smaller tributes she was requested to make for grieving families, and a drop in the number of large casket sprays.

“In the beginning of the pandemic, people didn’t know if they were allowed to attend funerals or not, or they definitely couldn’t come because they weren’t allowed to travel, so they’ve been sending small funeral tributes to match those on the coffin.”

Kate said there has also been an increase in the number of bespoke floral tributes, and recently she made a floral tribute for a beloved grandmother who loved to knit made in the shape of a ball of yarn using the deceased’s own knitting needles.

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As wakes are currently not allowed to be held following funerals, catering companies are struggling following the decrease in large events caused by the pandemic.

Sally Dunmore, of Dunmore’s Catering in Boston, said that they are usually booked up to two years in advance for life events.

Dunmore’s offer everything from hog roasts to canapes and hot and cold buffets either delivered to the house for a small post-funeral gathering or to a venue, and everything was thrown up in the air when the pandemic hit.

"The problem we've got is that the little jobs we've been allowed to do don't allow us to buy supplies cheap from wholesalers and we have to pay a delivery charge on orders less than £50, so we have to add additional items on to make up the costs," she explained.

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Most of Dugmore's events, like most things, have been rescheduled for 2022 and Sally said they are all desperate to get back to normal:

"We've been lucky enough to be able to put some money by for tough times like these, but we just want to get back to business as usual - we've even had people ringing us up to ask if we're still in business."

Award-winning green burial site Brightwater Green Burial Meadow, owned by Chris Neave and Jonathan Cartwright in Saxby near Market Rasen, offers a final resting place in a peaceful wildflower meadow and woodland beside a spring fed stream.

Members of the Association of Natural Burial Grounds, Brightwater Green offers a wide range of services, from burial of ashes to memorial plaques to double burial plots.

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In 2020, Brightwater Green had 16 green burials and 27 interments of ashes, compared to 2019’s 14 green burials and 10 interments of ashes.

As the figures show, Chris said that they have seen a large decrease in the number of burials.

He said: “It’s obviously not what we want, it seems to be the way families have been going, as they seem to be concerned about handling bodies and are leaning more towards cremation.”

“Speaking to a number of other burial grounds, there seems to be an increase like this across the country. - covid has had a huge impact on the funeral industry full-stop.”

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This is certainly the case for the family-run Colin Ward Funeral Services in Sleaford, as Lynne Ward said that the hardest thing for them is not being able to give beloved relatives the send-off they deserve:

“It’s tricky because each crematorium in the area only allows between 24 and 30 people in and some don’t allow family to shoulder the coffin, which is a dreadful shame.”

Lynne said that other difficult thing for them is not being able to comfort grieving families when they walk through their doors:

“All we want to do is give them a big hug and make them a cup of tea and a biscuit, but we can’t even pass them a box of tissues, it’s dreadful.

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“We’ve taken all the precautions we have to and we’re doing the best we can in very trying circumstances.”

The family team at Colin Ward have been adapting to try and make the funerals the most moving and personal events possible.

“What we do is bring the hearse and coffin past the house or care home they lived in and have everyone come out to give them a clap, it’s so moving and there’s not a dry eye in the house,” Lynne recalled, “I think it will continue even after the pandemic has gone as it’s a lovely way to say goodbye.”